The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon
by MC-kun
Summary: What if Kyon actually wrote the Haruhi series? What will Haruhi's reaction be when she reads it? Did Kyon maintain the original plot of the story or did he squeeze in...a few minor changes? UPDATED! Final Arc is Up. The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon Part Two
1. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Disclaimer: I do not own Haruhi Suzumiya. I'm just a bored guy trying to entertain himself. If I did own the series however, a third season will be highly probable.**

**Anyways…Enjoy!**

**The Melancholy Of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon**

_Asking someone how long they've believed in Santa Claus is so meaningless that it couldn't even serve as worthless gossip. Regardless if you're going to ask me how much of my childhood I've spent believing in an old man in a red suit…I can confidently say that...I never believed in him in the first place… _

I turned around to see Haruhi Suzumiya giving me one of her scowls. I found out through many months of observation what each of her scowl meant. Right now she had her mouth in the shape of a v, and she shot me with an intense stare that shouted: "I'm pissed off!"

I gave a deep sigh. "What is it now Haruhi?"

My brigade leader scanned the word document I had opened up. "What the hell are you writing?"

I paused for a moment before giving an answer. "I'm trying to write a story."

"And?" she prodded.

"…and what?" I reluctantly asked.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT STUPID OPENING PARAGRAPH!"

I winced. She had just shouted into my ear.

"I don't see what's wrong with it; I just wrote what I would say in real life."

"Well no wonder! It reeks of idiot!" she bluntly accused, looking purposely into my eyes when she mentioned 'idiot'.

Well Ms. Brimming with ideas, if you think you could do better why don't you try it yourself?

"Give me that" muttered Haruhi, as she took the keyboard away from me.

_Hey guys! My name is Kyon! I have a stupid nickname, and stupid hair, and I am a pervert! Did I mention I DON'T believe in Santa Claus? I don't believe in him or anything else because I have no imagination whatsoever! I have a ponytail fetish too!_

I stared at the screen. What the hell? I would never say that!

Haruhi blinked. "You don't like it? It sounds exactly like you though…"

In what freaking dimension Haruhi? Besides why did you have to erase my paragraph too?

Haruhi grunted. "Whatever."

I sighed, and continued writing.

…_I knew that the Santa at the preschool Christmas event was just a fake, and I didn't even have to see mommy kissing Santa Claus. I suppose I was just a precocious child who questioned the existence of an old man who only worked on Christmas…_

"What's with all the Santa stuff? Don't tell me you have some Santa fetish…"

I thought about Asahina san wearing a Santa Claus costume for Christmas. Maybe Haruhi wasn't far off the dot, but I'm not willing to admit that. Ignoring her annoying comment I resumed my typing.

…_At any rate…be it aliens, time travellers, ghost, demons, espers… or evil organizations and the heroes out of cartoon and comic books who battle them…_

Haruhi's head shot through my shoulders. "Whoa! You have aliens, and time travellers in your story! Cool!"

My eyes widened with surprise. Haruhi actually thought that something I did was cool? Today must be a cold day in hell! Overcome with confidence, I continue my story.

… _I didn't realize that they weren't real until sometime later…_

Haruhi's brilliant smile quickly faded. I sighed. I had made God smile for 2 seconds. I'm sure not many men can brag about that.

"Kyon…I take back what I said…You're without a doubt the biggest…"

I put a hand over my face. Here it comes.

"…Idiot I have ever seen in my life!"

With that she walked away, her obvious rage heard loud and clear by her footsteps. Haruhi opened the door and unceremoniously slammed it hard making me flinch. I looked over at Nagato who seemed unaffected by the sudden outburst. Sigh, I envy her.

…

…

…

Some time past and I found myself surprisingly almost finished with the story. I completed about 100 pages in about a couple hours; maybe I should really consider being an author in the near future.

I looked over at Nagato. She read a ton of books so I would really like her opinion on my story.

"Hey Nagato…" I started, but found myself staring at an empty chair. What? She left already? How did I not notice? Well of course this doesn't really surprise me. That girl was so silent she could have told me she was also a ninja aside from being an alien. I shivered. Nagato the alien ninja, the thought scared me.

Seeing as there was nobody in the clubroom, a feeling of peace overcame me. Right now there were no loud demands from Haruhi, or a kiss ass response from Koizumi. Sure the ever lovely Asahina san wasn't around, wearing her legendary maid outfit and no Nagato with her cool gaze synchronising with my own, but there was still me left. Ah, it was these times that I enjoyed my company more than anyone else's.

I laid my head down a bit, boy did I feel tired. Slowly, the powers of sleep gained control of my restless body. Slowly bit, by bit. I found myself drifting into the depths of my unconscious, and going into the deepest of REM sleep.

…

…

…

Damn, I felt stupid. When that idiot Kyon pissed me off, I left in such a hurry, and I ended up leaving my school bag in the clubroom. I know that I really didn't need the notes for the upcoming exam, but there were certain 'private' items in there that I wouldn't want to fall into the hands of anybody…

…Especially a certain idiot.

When I opened the door to the clubroom, I was shocked to find…he who must not be named, sleeping there without a care in the world. That idiot…

I walked up to him in swift strides ready to yell at his face when I noticed the word document has grown considerably larger.

I blinked. 100 pages? Kyon, that idiot Kyon did more than a hundred pages in the short time I was gone. I was very impressed, you should be happy Kyon. It's a cold day in hell when you make the brigade leader smile.

I also noticed his…cute sleeping face, and without knowing it, I found my hand stroking his face. Eh? What was I doing? Ignoring what almost happened, I read Kyon's story which was surprisingly titled "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" I blinked. Eh? This story was about me?

I blushed a little. I admit it took me by surprise.

As I read, "The melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" I noticed that it was all basically events that we did in real life except with a Sci-Fi\Fantasy twist. I liked that twist. I laughed at the funny parts, got confused by the complex science stuff (obviously everything that came out of Yuki's mouth), and got slightly annoyed at the Haruhi parts. Somehow I looked like the bad guy and why the hell do I have crazy godlike powers?

…and what was the deal with Yuki being an alien, Mikuru chan being a time traveller, and Koizumi Kun being an esper? Why the hell is Kyon the only normal one? Damn that bastard! There's a penalty that awaits him I tell you! Penalty!

Even if I say all that, I'm somewhat happy that Kyon considered me so special that he made me God. Kyon if you are reading this don't get the wrong idea, you little pervert…

After a good half hour or so, I was almost finished reading. I was finally at the last chapters. To be honest I didn't know what was going on in Kyon's mind when he was writing this. So basically, in the story, I got jealous of Mikuru, and created a whole new world with Kyon and me in it. (I would never do that in real life! Who said I was jealous anyways? I am not threatened by Mikuru's looks compared to mine!)

I noticed that Kyon must have fallen asleep before he finished the story or something because he ended with this paragraph:

_Nagato said, the potential for auto evolution, according to Asahina san, she was a time warp. Koizumi treated her as "God" Then what about me? What does Haruhi Suzumiya mean to me? Haruhi is Haruhi and nobody else; yeah right who am I trying to fool? Well, I guess by know I noticed it. In this life of death situation my eyes were opened. I…_

_I…I think I'm in love with Haruhi…_

I stared at the screen in disbelief, replaying that last sentence over and over again until my brain grew tired of it. How am I supposed to react to that? Get angry? Be confused? Accuse Kyon of being a pervert? None of them, I just cried tears of happiness.

I looked at Kyon still in his oblivious slumber. Unaware that he had just confessed to me without saying a word. It's kind of romantic if you think about it. I shuffled closer to his face and I could feel his soft, gentle breathing.

"Kyon…" I whispered. "I…"

"I…Lo…"

"…"

I buried my face in my hands. What's wrong with me? I, the intrepid Ultra Director of the infamous S.O.S. Brigade can't confess to some idiot who just happens to be a little nice? Stupid Kyon with his stupid hair, and his stupid face, and his…dreamy amber eyes…and his sexy little…

Gah! I mentally yelled, what am I thinking?

I looked back once more on his sleeping form and sighed.

...

...

...

I woke up from my deep sleep, and I realised that it was already...10:00! Crap! My parents are going to kill me!

As I stood up I noticed a cardigan fall off from my shoulders. Huh, A cardigan? Whose is it? I sniffed at the cardigan and caught a watermelon fragrance. It was…Haruhi's. Please don't ask me how I knew it was her from just sniffing at her cardigan. So she must have came back, saw me sleeping here, and draped her cardigan on me so that I wouldn't catch a cold. Wow, that was surprisingly nice of her.

A sudden thought begun to sink in…

…shit! She was here! Did she see my story?

I looked it over to see if it was tampered with. I just hope she got bored of it, and didn't bother reading the last paragraph.

…

…

…

Oh no.

_Haruhi answered back to me. "Fine, let's go back to our old world, but when we do…"_

"_Can we be boyfriend and girlfriend?"_

I stared at the screen and felt my mouth widen, my eyes blow up and my face…felt really hot.

Kyon what have you gotten yourself into now?

Well…

…maybe this isn't so bad. It was better than the hell Haruhi usually puts me through…

…way better.

I smiled and continued to write my story.

Or was it…our story?

**The End**

**I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to make this. I thought it was a good idea. I thought that the ending was a bit corny though… Reviews, and advice are very much appreciated, I'll be waiting for them! Thank you to The Legate for the helpful advice! They really helped me improve the story!**

**Cheers!**

**-MC kun**


	2. The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, or its character's, only what I am writing.**

**Okay! So, after reading my previous work "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon", and after all the support it got even though it was just a one shot, I decided to make a sequel to the story!**

**Hope it's good! Now read it, I demand you!**

**Chapter 2**

**The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon**

Confetti and balloons blasted off in different directions. A sign that read, "Congratulations Kyon!" was unveiled, and more loud cheers followed. The SOS Brigade, whose main functions were to find Aliens, time travellers, and Espers, took a break off from their normal duties to...

...surprisingly enough, celebrate the publishing of my first novel, "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya"

Yup, the story that I wrote out of boredom got published, and in under two months too!

I have a feeling that my all powerful girlfriend had something to do with the shockingly fast publishing of my book...

Oh wait a minute...what's that? Oh yeah, did I mention that I'm dating Haruhi now? I asked her out the day after I finished writing my novel.

Well, technically, she asked me out...but by now you should know that Haruhi will never let me or anybody else admit that.

Typical Haruhi...

As I watched Haruhi Suzumiya wrestle the poor Asahina san into a maid outfit, I realised, not for the first time, that there was nothing "typical" about that girl. No, no...Haruhi was anything but.

"You look like your having a good time"

I didn't even need to look at the source of the voice to know that it was Itsuki Koizumi, an esper.

"Well, normally, when someone get's their book published in just two months...one would be pretty happy"

Koizumi chuckled as if I said the funniest thing in the world. If I wasn't in such a good mood, I would be annoyed.

"Well yes...I guess I would be pretty happy if I were you...and plus..."

Koizumi nodded to a certain girl laughing hysterically as she sexually harasses her sempai.

"...you have _her_ too..."

I looked at Koizumi. For a second, I swear I saw regret, and frustration. In no time at all, whatever I saw, quickly faded, faster than snow melting on your mouth.

"Kyon and Koizumi, what are you doing standing there like idiots? Come over here, Nagato is starting with the speeches!"

Haruhi, you don't have to be so loud!

Koizumi grinned, "Well, we wouldn't want to keep her waiting. Shall we?"

Itsuki Koizumi, you are beyond creepy.

Nonetheless, I followed the ever smiling esper to where the girls are. Everyone was still wearing their uniforms, but the girls wore make up before the party. For some reason, Haruhi insisted that we have our party in the club room. I offered that we go to some fancy restaurant, but Haruhi argued that most of our memories centered in this clubroom, and so do the events in my novels. So we ended up having it here in the end...unsurprisingly, Haruhi had it her way again.

Even though I was dead set on celebrating somewhere special, I can't help but secretly agree with Haruhi (and not just because she's my girlfriend, and the whole she's God and can destroy the world on a whim thing. Oh, just for the record, Haruhi thinks that everything in the novel is fictional, so that's a plus), that this clubroom is special. I met Nagato and Asahina san here, the SOS Brigade was started here, and it was in this room where I wrote my book and still the same room that Haruhi Suzumiya became my girlfriend.

The SOS Brigade clubroom is indeed magical, a place where memories, no matter how small or nonsensical abodes. And as long as this clubroom stands, I will always have those memories in my heart.

All eyes were now on the soft spoken alien Yuki Nagato. I was surprised that Nagato had volunteered to give her speech first...no, I was surprised that she even _had_ a speech!

Nagato had her many talents and abilities, but unfortunately, showing emotions...talking properly...she had none of those basic functions. Maybe that's why I feel so protective of her?

It's like how I feel towards Asahina san. I just wish that the girl would be more self confident, and while I'm at it, the girl could learn to lock the door can't she? I can't recall how many times I've walked in on her while she's changing. I don't mind though...

I got a nudge from Haruhi. Ouch! Wait...don't tell me that she...

"You had a perverted look on your face while you were looking at Mikuru chan...Wipe it off!"

Even though we are still dating, Haruhi still treats me the same.

"...Don't look at other girls like that except for me...Okay?"

I smiled, and petted her head, and wiping some hair off her forehead.

Haruhi blushed as I did so.

"Idiot..." she remarked.

Now that I think about it, I don't mind how she treats me at all. And besides, that smile she just gave me...

...no matter how many times I see it...just...wow...

After a while, Nagato finally spoke.

"I would like to give my congratulations to fellow club member and classmate..._Kyon_..."

Everyone's jaw dropped. Nagato has never called me by my nickname before!

I was just a bit upset that she looked so hesitant when she said my name, but I understand how awkward it could be even for Nagato. Wait, maybe I should call her Yuki now?

Ouch! I got another nudge from Haruhi.

After the commotion was over, we waited for the rest of Yuki's speech.

"..."

"..."

"..."

There is...more right?

"That is all"

Rats...just when I thought that Yuki...I mean Nagato has started to open up more...

As Nagato left the "stage" (It was just a card board box) she handed me a book.

"Read it later" she said, with her usual monotone voice.

Hints of anxiety could be seen on her pale, lifeless face.

I noticed a bookmark sticking out of one of the pages. Was it one of Nagato's messages? I hoped that it wasn't about a new threat or some malevolent being out for my head. No, I don't want that, not now, just when things are going so well for me...

I guess what I worried about most was Haruhi. Something tells me, that I can face any danger and any threat, but losing Haruhi would be the end of me. Somehow, when I started dating Haruhi, I finally realised that it wasn't just the whole world that revolved around her, but my life also. Haruhi chose me, but sometimes I wonder if I chose her first.

Next it was Asahina san's turn. Needless to say, her speech turned out clumsy and disorganized. Oh poor Asahina san, stay strong!

"Uh...um, Kyon is a great guy! He is very nice! Um...he is very reliable with...classified information...oh darn! Sorry, please forget that I said that!"

In case Asahina san reveals more trade secrets, she was politely escorted out of the stage. Nice try Asahina san...

Haruhi stared at me with those silky brown eyes of hers. They burned a hole through my own. Haruhi's eyes were like mini black holes, I found myself being sucked into those deep dark mysterious orbs.

"Kyon...what did she mean by 'classified information'?"

Its classified Haruhi! What would be the point if I told you?

What I got was a jab in the guts.

"You moron..." A pout followed her insult. I found it very sexy...

Say Haruhi? What about later you wear that cute bunny suit again and we can...

Oof! Another jab...

Now, I am not a freak but...the repetitive pain that Haruhi gives me is starting to feel, really, really nice.

Okay, maybe I am a freak. And there's that ponytail thing too...

Koizumi was up next with the speeches. As usual, it was elaborate, long, and completely kiss ass. He practically wrote a biography about me, and I don't even remember telling him most of this stuff. There's the possibility that he got the information from his "organization" but it's still an invasion of privacy!

After half an hour past, Koizumi was still only on the childhood phase of my life. Thank God, Haruhi put a stop to his boredom parade.

Koizumi reluctantly gave the stage to his Brigade Chief. Poor guy, he must have spent a lot of time on his speech, and plus he made if for me...

...who am I kidding? He bored me to tears.

Haruhi stood at the stage with her usual revved up smile; it sent me kilowatts of energy just gazing at it. She tied her hair to a ponytail. I realised that ever since she read my book, Haruhi wore a ponytail often, obviously just for my sick needs. I admit I was worried that she would find out about her powers or at least be suspicious when she read that part of the story, "The Dream". Haruhi had the same one no doubt, and I was cautious around her ever since she read that last chapter. Fortunately, Haruhi thinks that us _sharing a dream _was just proof of our bond as soul mates. Okay, it wasn't like that at first. Haruhi started freaking out and insisting that she and I were some kind of super Espers. What happened next was...a mess that I let Itsuki and his buddies take care of themselves. Hey, I promised that I'd keep an eye ever Haruhi, that doesn't mean I have to do the dirty work right?

"Kyon, are you even listening?"

I snapped back to reality. Haruhi started already, oh crap...

"Your girl..." she blushed, so kawaii. "...your Brigade Chief made a special speech just for an underling like you and you don't even listen?"

Hey, I am listening! I just don't look like it!

Haruhi clenched her fist; she looked like a child ready to throw a tantrum.

"Okay...since you did such a fine job portraying my character in your story I will give you another chance to hear my speech!"

Wahoo...

"Don't be sarcastic with me Kyon! God, I swear you think things will change when you start dating with the guy..."

I can't believe she just said that. What happened to keeping our relationship low profile? Well, considering that the whole nation read our entire confession in my novel...our love isn't exactly _private _now.

"Okay! Listen up; I'll start from the beginning."

Haruhi cleared her throat and looked over some notes, then resumed her speech.

"The first day I met Kyon, I thought he was just another guy trying to get into my pants..."

I nearly choked on the coca cola I was drinking.

What the hell Haruhi!

Koizumi laughed at my reaction, and even Asahina san had a hard time trying not to smile. As for Yuki...at least she looked partially interested...well at least she's looking at Haruhi's direction.

Haruhi nodded as if trying to affirm that I am a sex craved predator.

"Yup, it's true; you can practically see it in his eyes. I swear, if you're going to flirt in the first place then at least _try_ to be charming"

I hid my face with both hands in shame. This is totally not going in the second novel Haruhi, I swear!

"I almost forgot about him, you know me, I'm not interested in normal human beings!"

Oh great...so she forgot about me? Well, it made sense. So many guys must have hit on her in the first week of school. I was just another guy...I hate to agree, but as Haruhi said, "Trying to get in her pants".

Haruhi continued, "...sometime later, the same Kyon had the balls to talk to me again. I admit, it must have taken an incredible amount of bravery to do such a thing after being rejected. Or most likely he's just that desperate..."

This time no one laughed, probably because that "meeting" that Haruhi was talking about, was what led to everything, the dangers, the trials, the fun...this one conversation was the catalyst, the spark.

Haruhi thought that no one got the joke. No...This was serious, no one wanted to laugh, not even Koizumi. I think Haruhi must have noticed it too. It wasn't a laughing matter, she might have thought. No matter how many times she calls me "idiot" or, "moron", It's obvious that she loves me, and that I loved her. If I didn't talk to her that one day, it would all be ruined; the life that we built together would collapse like a house of cards.

It got pretty awkward, but as expected from the fearless brigade chief, she managed to break the ice again and continue.

"Okay...so Kyon was the first guy to notice why I change my hair every day. To be honest...and by the way, I am only going to say this once...I was impressed."

A series of gasp overtook the brigade clubroom. Haruhi looked embarrassed, it's like we were saying that it was such a huge surprise to hear one compliment from the great Haruhi Suzumiya. Anyone would be upset, but Haruhi being Haruhi, she was just plain annoyed.

"Oh shut up! And by the way, that's the last time I'm going to say it okay? Wipe that smirk off your face Kyon!"

Smirking? What smirking? I have no idea what you're saying...

Haruhi cleared her throat, muttering what sounded like "stupid"

"Okay...where was I? Oh yeah! Okay so...no one and I mean no one had even bothered to think about how I think or why I acted the way I did. All those other guys only thought about what they saw on the outside, but Kyon...somehow, he saw the real me"

Haruhi...you are full of surprises aren't you?

I walked up to Haruhi until we were a few inches apart, I could feel her hot breath tingling my skin. I could also feel the stares I was getting from the rest of the club, but they were pretty used to seeing this anyways so...what the heck...

"Kyon...what are you doing? My speech, I'm not done..."

Haruhi couldn't finish that sentence; she was too busy with my lips.

That moment, that extremely romantic moment and if I do say so I thought I was pretty cool, a certain group of idiots showed up.

"Hey Kyon, buddy! Congrats on you're..."

I knew that it was only Taniguchi and Kunikida but still it was...sort of embarrassing. I push Haruhi away like a child would to an old toy, and normally Haruhi would be pretty upset with the rough treatment, but this time she stayed quiet.

"Whoa! Haruhi nyan, Kyon nyan! Go find a bed you two, Nyoro~" cried a certain green haired Chihuahua called Tsuruya.

What is this, a comedy sketch?

Haruhi was furious. I didn't know if it was because our kiss got interrupted or...actually I can't think of any other reason. I know I'm upset...

"I don't remember inviting you two!" declared Haruhi, rudely pointing at Taniguchi and Kunikida.

Okay, so Tsuruya san was let off the hook for that stupid comment? Now she got me thinking about it...Haruhi and I...on the same bed...It'll happen someday...

No! I will refuse to fall into my hormonal web of delusions!

"Aw...come on Suzumiya! We just came to celebrate Kyon's great achievement!" hollered Taniguchi.

I wonder why I`m even friends with this guy. No! Acquaintance, acquaintance! He`s only an acquaintance. Being grouped as ``friends`` with Taniguchi is like being classified in the same class as a gorilla, no...Make that an amoeba. Gorilla`s have even more dignity and class that this guy.

``Taniguchi san, Kunikida san, Tsuruya san, you are just in time...`` said Koizumi, I hope he`s helping me. ``...you are just in time for Suzumiya san`s speech, she just started...oh but she was rudely interrupted by our Kyon here...``

The triple comedy act giggled like little girls. I swear Koizumi...I don`t know if you`re in my side or if you`re some kind of unsuspected antagonist. If he was, then that would be the worst plot twist ever.

Haruhi glared at Koizumi. I admit, I owe Koizumi one for torturing her. Since we started dating, Haruhi has been doing nothing but teasing me. One minute, she`ll look like she`s totally up for it, then the next she`ll leave you high and dry.

After everyone settled, the newcomers took they`re seats. Taniguchi and Kunikida sat next to me. I asked Kunikida to sit between Taniguchi and me. I don`t want to hear him yapping the whole time Haruhi is speaking. Kunikida was pretty cool with it. Thank you Kunikida, you are a life saver!

As expected, Tsuruya san sat with Asahina san and Koizumi. Tsuruya practically bit off poor Asahina san`s ear. Asahina san squealed and Koizumi had to practically pull Tsuruya out of Asahina san. It reminds me of the time Haruhi did that to the same poor girl. Does Haruhi have an ear fetish? I remember one time Haruhi and I...were _expressing our feelings _when Haruhi suddenly bit my ear. Now hear me out...I'm not complaining. It's just that...knowing your girlfriend has a bit of an ear fetish and how she bit a girl, who if I may say is very attractive, is just...actually I don't know where I am going with this. I guess it's just weird. Haruhi is weird. Wait, isn't that old news?

As for Nagato...she was sitting at her usual spot all alone. It hadn't surprised me that she was reading a book, science fiction or maybe fantasy, no doubt. I read that one, the book she was reading. It was about a girl who lacked the ability to speak. One day she meets a boy with psychic powers, and he's the only one who can hear her, who can understand her.

Seeing Nagato all alone, in that corner, with the shadows cloaking her existence from the rest of the world hurt me. Well, I don't know...I just felt empty, I felt like a part me of broke off, like a fruit detaching itself from a tree.

Nagato's gaze made me snap back to reality. It's like she was telling me to wake up. Stop dreaming, this isn't where you belong, go back to your own world.

I looked at Haruhi, who had lost track of where she left off and now she didn't know what to say. It was then that Kunikida spoke up for the first time.

"Why don't you tell us how Kyon and you became a couple?"

The kid should have just kept his mouth shut...I swear Kunikida, when you _do _open your mouth; it's something I _don't_ want to hear.

Haruhi looked completely flustered. She was being swallowed up by the demands of her audience. She kind of looked like a substitute teacher who was teaching a class of troublemakers. I can't believe I'm saying this, but God was being peer pressured.

Wait, she was my girlfriend right? Shouldn't I protect her or something?

"That's enough..." I said, standing up and walking over to Haruhi's side, grabbing her shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Kyon...I can handle this myself, sit down" said Haruhi. Still fighting huh? Well I'm your boyfriend, at least let me carry half of your burdens.

"Idiot!"

I bet she found my standing up for her cute. Well at least I think that's what that blush meant.

...

...

...

That Kyon...is acting all high and mighty. He should really know his place! I was doing fine; I bet he only wants to "help" me because of pathetic male ego. I swear all men are just walking bags of testosterone. They are all just hairy balls of sperm.

I can't help but think Kyon isn't like that at all. Maybe he was just concerned about me. He understands me, he always did. He wouldn't have approached me that first week of school if he didn't have a clue as to what I am. As to whom I am.

Kyon was a simple mystery, quite like the Sunday crossword puzzles on the back of the newspaper. Kyon's beauty is subtle, like a whisper, yet more impacting than a tsunami. It can be these kinds of moments that Kyon almost seemed like a knight in shining armour. Or...at least he looked kind of cool. I don't know.

Or maybe I'm overrating him...that's what love is, devaluation of one's self, and overvaluation of the love object...right?

Wait...isn't that one of the symptoms of melancholy?

So anyways...Kyon took the burden of having to share our...story to the brigade and Tsuruya. Notice that I didn't mention those two bumbling fools. Actually, I didn't really mind the quiet one...that is until now, when he opened his big mouth. Now I hate him more than the loud one.

Wait...is that Tanikuchi...or whatever him name is...is he flirting with my Mikuru chan?

Okay, never mind...the loud one is definitely worst.

I was about to pounce the guy, but Kyon started talking. Finally, I swear Kyon is so slow...he can't get any work done...he's just too...

...NORMAL!

Something inside me though...is screaming that he can't be. He's something...I don't know what but...

...Kyon is definitely _something_.

All eyes were now on Kyon, who normally did everything half assed, but this time, something seemed different. He was serious now.

He's soooo sexy when he's serious...

...please ignore that...

"Okay...um. Well, Haruhi and I don't normally get along...but even though I always denied it, I felt as if there was something...I don't know what but there was _something_ between us"

Kyon...are you an esper?

"When I started writing my book, I guess it was just a means for escape. I wanted a world where Haruhi was the most important girl in the world, and where the supernatural and strange occurred on a daily basis. Of course...it is _just _a story...right Haruhi?"

Kyon looked at me anxiously, that's strange...

"Uh...yeah sure..." I mumbled.

I don't exactly agree with that last part though. I get the feeling, ever since I met Kyon, that there is something _more _in this life...

Tsuruya roared with laughter. She reminded me of an erupting volcano!

"Bwahahaha! Kyon you are so sappy! "Most important girl in the world", hilarious!"

Kyon smiled, as if he knew something we didn't.

"Well at _least_ to me...if feels like the whole world revolves around her...in fact you could even say that she..."

It was only for a second, but I think...no I'm sure I saw Kyon's eyes meet with Koizumi kun's. Then, by some sort of invisible communication, they agreed on something.

The question is...what?

"...Well, I guess I'm straying from the real story. So one rainy day...I was in the clubroom being bored. I mean seriously...there's nothing to do"

I was oh so tempted to educate this child as to how exciting living the SOS Brigade lifestyle is, and how privileged that he...an oaf can be permitted to live such an amazing life. There are millions of pathetic humans just waiting for the chance of a lifetime such for this, but Kyon treats ever day with the same boring face and the same repetitive face palms. I'm surprised the guy doesn't have his hand permanently stuck on this his face, in fact I should get some super glue, and the next time he does it...

"Haruhi, are you even listening?"

I wake up from my master plan. Note to self: buy glue.

"Eh?" was all I could utter.

"Well, I'm not repeating it again..." said Kyon, blushing the whole time. Oh, so he must have been talking about the..."revisions" I made to his story.

By now, everyone was all ears. I didn't know that our story was really that interesting, well it was interesting enough to be published but... and even Yuki, who had been reading a while ago, stopped and was now eyeing Kyon, like a mother bear would to its cub.

I don't know why, but I get the feeling that these days...Yuki is slowly changing, especially when she's around Kyon. It's like he had lit Yuki on fire, and now slowly and steadily, she will explode in the summer sky. Like a firework.

"Okay..." continued Kyon. "...so the day after that...Haruhi..."

...

...

...

My mind was filled with thoughts of yesterday. Why had Haruhi done that? What led to this catastrophic event?

"Catastrophic? You call something like this catastrophic?"

I turn around and saw Itsuki Koizumi. An esper, and at times, a prick, but a valuable source of information nonetheless.

Hell yeah. Do you know what this means? Closed space...end of the world...Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Itsuki laughed, and I wondered why, oh why was my statement so freaking funny?

"I'm sorry, but I just find your excuse pathetic. Have you been using that this whole time? That's pitiful...and I thought you were smart too..."

What the hell are you talking about?

Itsuki looked me right in the eyes. Unlike Haruhi's, they weren't brimming with emotion, but they didn't look fake, or hidden. Somehow, there was a deep sincerity about them. It was confusing, hard to understand...mysterious. That was Itsuki Koizumi.

"You know Kyon. You can't use the same lie over and over. It'll break soon"

Why can't this guy just get straight to the point?

"Anyways...that's all I can say for now..."

For now? Stop sounding like you're saying goodbye for the last time! And for the last time, get straight the freaking point!

"Kyon, do you know what procrastination is?"

Yeah of course! It's when you put of something till later until it's way too late.

"In layman's terms...yes."

So now I'm a layman?

"Anyways...how long are you going to put it off? She's made her move...now what's yours"

I was stunned. He didn't say it directly, but even an idiot like me could figure out what he was talking about.

"My move...I'll tell her, what she wants to hear, and what I've always wanted to say"

"Well, if that's what you want"

I caught his eyes. They stirred; something happened that would allow him to lower his guard, something powerful...

"Tell me Koizumi...what do _you_ want?"

They were alight now; his eyes were brimming with fire. They reminded me of Haruhi's, but it wasn't reckless energy, it was power.

"Do you _really_ want to know?"

No not really.

Or more like, I knew already what he wanted. Call me selfish, but I want it too.

Tomorrow will be the day, Haruhi Suzumiya, you better be prepared...

...then, at least one of us will be.

...

...

...

"Then, the next day, I got her alone in the clubroom and... I said some really cool things and we lived happily ever after!"

I felt like I was telling a story to some kindergarteners.

Everyone clapped; it seems I did a pretty good job. Asahina san was a little teary, and so was Taniguchi...sheesh man, grow up! Koizumi was clapping politely, who was the opposite of Tsuruya who was bellowing her guts out. Kunikida was more reserved like Koizumi but he couldn't compare to the subtleness of Nagato. She was clapping, but it was like the sound of a dog whistle compared to the thunder storm that the rest of the audience was conjuring.

As for Haruhi...she didn't look at all amused.

"That's not what happened!" she declared, arms crossed, and her lips in the shape of a cute little upside down "V"

I loved that V.

"That's not what happened!" said Haruhi, repeating the same sentence again. The only difference was the second time it was louder. Did she really think that doing so will get everyone's attention?

Everyone one silent, wow...it actually worked.

Haruhi just earned the right of supreme leader of the SOS Brigade. Well, it was originally hers, but in my hearth now she had officially earned it.

Well of course, who was I to give away such a title?

Haruhi stormed over to me, poking me with her index finger.

"Tell them all of it!"

Funny, just a moment ago, you had stage fright didn't you? And now you're expecting me to tell such an embarrassing story?

"Shut up! If you're such a wuss, then I'll tell it!"

Well, even if I argued at this point, Haruhi will never listen will she?

"So this idiot Kyon..."

...

...

...

I can't believe I did that!

It's been a day since I confessed to Kyon via. Sabotaging his story and my hearth hasn't settled down since.

No, I made up my mind; I'm going to do this.

I made my move, and now he has to make his.

I swear, when I saw the boring, completely ordinary, sarcastic fool enter the room. I literally died. It's like everything in my body froze, my major organs, and that includes my heart.

My mind was filled with such thoughts: what's he going to say? Is he going to confess to me here? Is he even going to confess? What if he rejects me?

I can't deny that such thoughts entered my head, and to be honest it shocked me. I didn't know I would be this troubled just by this one guy, this one stupid, unreliable guy. I guess love really was a disease...but in a good way...I guess.

Wait, how can it be a good way? Gah! See? I'm going crazy here!

He sat down, and for once I wanted to greet him good morning. It seemed like the right thing to do. If I really liked him, then he would expect things to change, for me to be treat him differently. It seemed natural right? It's what other people would do right?

When did I ever care about what other people did? Wasn't everyone else boring? This is insane!

"Good Morning!" I hollered. Oh crap, now it sounded like I was angry at him or something.

"Ugh sorry...I didn't mean too..."

I looked at him carefully; it looked like he saw a ghost.

"Um...Kyon, Is something wrong with you?"

"You greeted me good morning. You apologized, and now you're concerned"

And with that Kyon left.

Huh? Why did he leave?

I was stunned, was this his way of rejecting me? This wasn't fair! This is complete...

He came back, gasping for air, and made his way back to his seat.

"Where were you?"

"In the clubroom"

"Why?"

"I was talking to Nagato?"

Can we somehow hurry this up? "Why?"

"I wanted to make sure I was in the right dimension. Don't you hate it when that happens?"

What is he...is this a joke? All this time, he has denied the existence of the paranormal, and now he comes back with a load of crap. Does he really expect me to believe this?

Even though I said that...there was something in his eyes. It just occurred to me, that Kyon's eyes seemed infinite. It felt like he knew something, a secret. It felt like he was light years away from me, I had never noticed it now but...

...Kyon was strange. He was too normal. It's not possible, how can someone be so stupid?

Not the greatest discovery, I know, but that's what I felt Kyon was. Anymore, and he would be too perfect. That's too boring. I want someone imperfect, someone like me.

"So Kyon...are you saying that you've been to other dimensions?"

He smiled at me. I love that smile.

Stop it...girl...stop it...

"What do you think Haruhi?"

"Huh?"

"Am I really someone who could do such a thing?"

I thought about it.

"Yeah...maybe"

"Why is that? Please enlighten me"

"You can do anything Kyon"

"Huh?"

"When your with me...I feel like I can do anything...isn't it the same for you?"

He smiled at me again. This time I don't care about what my other self thinks, screw you ego! I freaking love his smile! I love everything about him. His gorgeous eyes, the way the sun reflects on his hair. And his smell...oh god.

"Haruhi? Are you okay? Your face is all red"

"Can I smell you?"

Kyon almost fell of his chair. Cute.

"Huh?"

Without giving him another chance to talk, I grabbed his tie...no this time I should grab his hand.

I felt him tense up from the contact, but slowly relaxed when I gave it a comforting squeeze.

"Let's go somewhere else Kyon, and we can talk about the last chapter of your book"

The look on his face was priceless, and even more so when he reluctantly agreed.

"...and maybe while we're at it...I can smell you too?"

"What's up with that anyways?"

"It's an order from your chief!"

What happened after that was...

...

...

...

The clubroom was a mess. Taniguchi, Tsuruya san, and the others had all left, even the brigade members. Well, they wanted to help clean, but something tells me that Haruhi called in a few favours. Suddenly, Koizumi had a part time job, Asahina san had to study for an important test, and Nagato...just left without a word.

So that leaves me with Haruhi...all alone...in an empty room.

Tsuruya san's words floated in my head. This time though, I let the fantasy drag on...

"Kyon! Are you fantasizing about Mikuru chan again?"

Esper, she's an esper...

Don't worry, I was fantasizing about you. You would look pretty good in maid cosplay you know?

What I got was a jab in the ribs. Ow...that really hurt.

"Idiot!" cried Haruhi, who had dropped the garbage she was picking up. Great, guess who's going to clean that up?

Me.

Before you could say, "classified information" I was on my knees, cleaning up Haruhi's garbage.

This is just male tolerance okay? This means nothing!

"Idiot!" said Haruhi, who was in obvious need of new insults.

It was quiet for a while. The only sound that filled the room was the vacuum cleaner Haruhi "borrowed" from a club down the hall, and my occasional sighs.

Haruhi broke the silence.

"Kyon, I love you"

Oh my god! No, I've heard her say that before, so I was pretty used to it.

I drop my broom, and walked in front of her, gazing into her wonderful eyes. I pull her closer, and gave Haruhi a soft peck on the cheeks.

"I love you too"

Well, okay...so I wasn't as used to saying it as I am to hearing it.

Those three words, which have been used so many countless times, sounded so special, more valuable when Haruhi and I say it. Probably because we were the wackiest couple in the entire universe, or probably because, our love was unique, more unique than an ice cube that could withstand a day in the Sahara desert.

"Oh by the way Kyon?"

"Yeah?"

"When are you working on your sequel?"

Ah, the dreaded question. Even my editor hasn't mentioned it yet, and still, Haruhi Suzumiya is one step above everyone else.

"I don't know Haruhi, writing is a pain. I don't want to do it anymore. Who knows if the series is even going to be popular?"

Haruhi winked at me, and I swear I almost melted.

"I don't know, somehow...I think things will work out. After all, if everyone reads this then everyone will want to join the SOS Brigade! We will be phenomenal!"

Like that will ever happen, listen Haruhi. I spent three hours making that story, and it's obviously half assed. The narrating is unreliable, it feels like the plot is going nowhere, and I don't even know where the story will go on from here!

Haruhi smiled coyly. "Oh? Then what about I give you some inspiration?"

I stare at her, this can't be good...

"The next novel is called..."The adventures of Mikuru Asahina!" It's about a battle waitress who fights this evil alien. The alien can be Yuki chan!"

Haruhi...you do know that will never happen?

In the end though, Haruhi still made a movie about it. It's one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, even just being a camera man, if felt like I committed a horrendous crime against the filming industry. Although...I didn't mind the maid outfit...and the witch costume...

Oh! Speaking of Nagato...

While Haruhi was busy yapping about her new so called, "Oscar winning production", I looked for the book Nagato had given me.

As I flipped through the pages, a bookmark slipped out.

In black ink, it said:

_I would like to give my congratulations to my club mate, and classmate...Kyon..._

_He was the first person to notice me, and for that I am extremely grateful. In the beginning, I had thought of Kyon as nothing more but an abnormality, a discrepancy around Suzumiya Haruhi, but as time passed he is become more. Much more. How much more I cannot say, for it may ruin everything, including the path Kyon has built...with Suzumiya Haruhi. _

_Furthermore, I wish Kyon all the best, in life, in his novel, and his relationship with Suzumiya Haruhi._

_-Yuki N._

It was Nagato's speech. Why hasn't she said it to the rest of the brigade? I couldn't imagine Nagato being nervous speaking in front of a crowd. No...Nagato was changing. I don't know how, but everyday she's getting more human. This was human, fear, self consciousness...

Maybe even...jealousy.

Well, just as an example you know?

"Kyon? What's that?"

"Nothing. It's boring"

Haruhi eyed me suspiciously, but let's it go.

"So, do you have any ideas for your novel?"

"Maybe...hey, do you know the story of Snow White Haruhi?"

The smile that followed sent chills up my spine.

"Oh...I know where this is going"

And I did too.

Hey, did you know God's lips taste like strawberries?

**The End **

**And this is it, the sequel. Finally! After two months! Sorry for the wait! **

**Don't worry, I promise that there will be more. This was originally supposed to be a one shot, but I am very inspired, and it seems like so many people want more. In fact they DEMAND it!**

**Please review, it makes my day and please look forward for more goodness!**

**Cheers!**

**-MC Kun**


	3. The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya

**Disclaimer: I do not own "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" or any of its characters, only what I am writing.**

"_Hey do you believe that there are any aliens?"_

_Now that was sudden._

_The image of Nagato's face flashed in my head._

"_I guess there are"_

"_Then, what about time travellers?"_

"_Hmm...It's not surprising if they exist"_

_Right now, I'm a time traveller myself._

"_Then what about espers?"_

"_They're everywhere, I guess?"_

_I suddenly thought of numerous red spots flying around._

"_And sliders?"_

"_I haven't met them yet"_

"_Hmph"_

_Haruhi threw aside the chalk drawing machine, and rubbed the chalk out of her face with her shoulders._

"_Hmm, this should do"_

_I began to feel uneasy, was it because I said something I shouldn't be saying? Haruhi looked up at me and said,_

"_Is that a North High uniform?"_

"_Yeah"_

"_What's your name?"_

"_John Smith"_

-An excerpt from: "The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya" written by Kyon, illustrated by Nagato Yuki.

**Prologue**

When I started writing "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya", I had no way of knowing how one story would change my life forever. Not only is Ultra-Brigade Chief Suzumiya Haruhi now my girlfriend, but my name (or at least my nickname) is now known as the one responsible for the dangerous disease classified as "Haruhi-ism", which has now invaded the minds of every Japanese speaking person. Heck, the English versions of the volumes are coming up, who knows when this Haruhi-sanity will end.

I no doubt blame my universal pain in the butt of a girlfriend for this so called 'success' but it seems that this is a 'pre-determined' event, according to Asahina-san (big). It looks like my fate (and my writing career) is forever intertwined with the supernatural phenomenon called Suzumiya Haruhi.

The past three months had my calendar full, my wallet hungry, and my free time disappearing, as Haruhi Suzumiya (and my editor, who nags me constantly about deadlines) forced me into a race against time. We made a movie, played baseball, solved Itsuki's and his Esper friend's stupid murder mystery game, and of course the "search the city for the mysteries" crap that Haruhi forces us to do on a weekly basis.

"If we just goof off, then who's going to chase after all the mysteries? As the S.O.S. Brigade we must charge unto tomorrow with the future and past in our hands!"

Well, that's what SHE said, but I bet all her 'searches' is just her weird way of going on dates with me. Believe it or not, every single time we drew straws, me and Haruhi would always be paired together. However, I never complained...Ah, yes, _never..._

However, even if I never complained (well not that much anyway), my health bar had almost depleted to zero by the time June had arrived. Tanabata was around the corner, and no doubt Haruhi had plans. I thought that I would get a little break this month. You know, sit back and relax...maybe celebrate Tanabata when it arrives, maybe even go on a date...I mean... 'search the city for mysteries'...

...However, fate has made a fool of me once again.

During Tanabata I was sent on a little time travelling mission with Asahina-san. The context of the mission was not clear, but it involved me meeting a younger Haruhi and helping her draw strange lines all over the athletic field of her school. I had a chat with her about Aliens, Time travellers, and Espers, and gave her a fake alias when she asked my name.

This fateful exchange was the start (and possibly the end) of my long and winding road to becoming the best light novel writer in Japan.

And this is how it started...

**The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon**

"Yahoo!" exclaimed my girlfriend, and S.O.S. Brigade Chief, Suzumiya Haruhi.

Koizumi, an esper, smiled at Haruhi's triumphant entrance. He said,

"What seems to be the good news Suzumiya-san?"

Haruhi, who was oblivious to the espers kiss ass antics, continued making a ruckus. "I have great news indeed Koizumi-kun!" declared the exuberant brigade chief. "Hey Kyon your editor just called me, guess what he had to say!"

I'm not an Esper just tell me.

"Your third novel got approved! Isn't that exciting?"

It was indeed exciting news. I could barely hold my enthusiasm.

Haruhi frowned.

"Wow Kyon...Shouldn't you be more excited? I mean there are tons of other wannabe authors out there who would kill to be in your position right now!"

I sighed. Perhaps I would be more grateful if you calmed down a bit. Haruhi's running 100 miles per second and my mortal legs can't keep up. I am dead tired. It seems that ever since my novel got published, Haruhi has gone to extreme lengths to advertising the S.O.S. Brigade. Many people were interested, rightly so, as our exploits are now known nationwide, but would-be- Brigadiers would find themselves turned down one by one by Haruhi's unreasonable 'tests'

You must not be a boring, normal human. If you are an Alien, Time Traveller, or Esper then you could join the S.O.S. Brigade. At first, people thought it was a joke, that Haruhi was just pretending to be the Haruhi depicted in my novels. However, they did not know that this Haruhi and that Haruhi are one and the same. Haruhi is Haruhi and she's always serious.

Additionally, our 'Romantic Escapades' have also started to put a toll on me. This girl was nuts! Like last night when she made me wear that...

"Kyon!" Haruhi exclaimed. "Wipe that idiotic grin on your face. Just what are you thinking about?"

Last night.

"Idiot!" cried a blushing Haruhi.

"Um...Kyon-kun, would you like some tea?"

I smile at the ever lovely Asahina-san. Yes! Please bless me with your tea my angel!

I could hear Haruhi muttering.

"...I can make better tea..."

I'm sorry Haruhi, as talented as you are...your tea making skills are a thousand years too early to compete with Asahina-san's.

As I gulped down Asahina-san's amazing tea, I happened to glance at Nagato who was at her usual corner reading a book. She was reading a romance novel, a genre that she had been focusing on ever since she gave me that bookmark with her original speech written on it.

_I would like to give my congratulations to my club mate, and classmate...Kyon..._

_He was the first person to notice me, and for that I am extremely grateful. In the beginning, I had thought of Kyon as nothing more but an abnormality, a discrepancy around Suzumiya Haruhi, but as time passed he has become more. Much more. How much more I cannot say, for it may ruin everything, including the path Kyon has built...with Suzumiya Haruhi. _

_Furthermore, I wish Kyon all the best, in life, in his novel, and his relationship with Suzumiya Haruhi._

_-Yuki N._

I can still remember reading that bookmark and the different feelings I got from it. I've said it before, but that was mere speculation...Now I was certain that Nagato was changing...fast.

They were trivial moments but they stuck out like a sore thumb.

Evidence #1: When I needed an artist to draw the cover for my light novel, Nagato volunteered herself. I let her do it of course, I know for a fact that she is the perfect one for the job, or any job really.

Evidence #2: More and more, Nagato had been talking...not just to me or the Brigade but to her classmates as well. Nagato would help classmates with difficult questions, help them study, and in return everyone changed their views on her.

"_That really quiet bibliophile"_ changed to "_The sorta quiet, but reliable Nagato-san."_

However, to me, she will always be great goddess Nagato no matter what.

I must have spaced out because I just noticed Nagato staring at me with those dark pupils of hers. I wonder what she's thinking. I take pride in my ability to read the subtle changes to Nagato's moods, but there are times when she just sucks you in those wonderful dark pupils of hers, and before you know it, you are completely lost, trying to solve the puzzle that is Yuki Nagato.

The reclusive alien returned to her reading. I decide to place my gaze somewhere else. She's a completely different species than us normal humans but you still have to respect someone's privacy. Besides, if Haruhi catches me staring too much then...

"Kyon!" Oh crap...

Today was pretty normal, other than Haruhi's announcement, but tomorrow will be the beginning of yet another chapter in my troublesome destiny.

As I lay on my bed with my belly aching from all the food my mom made for the release of my third novel, my thoughts wandered on several things at the same time.

_...What will people think of my third novel...? Which one is cuter, Haruhi with bunny ears or Asahina-san with her maid outfit...? Does Nagato really look cuter without her glasses, or does she..._

However, before I got completely indulged in my hopeless fantasies, my little sister came barging into my room.

"Kyoon~ you got a phone call from Itsuki-kun!"

I shooed her away as I grabbed the phone.

"Hello, Koizumi?"

This better be good.

"...Hey Kyon, I apologize for asking you to do this but...I need to have a word with you"

Okay, say what you have to say and make it fast.

"Again I apologize. This is quite serious and I need to speak to you in person"

This can't be anything Haruhi related is it? I thought that once we started dating, the closed spaces didn't appear lately.

"It involves Suzumiya-san, and consequently...you..."

Me? I understand Haruhi but what could I have possibly done?

"Please, just get here quickly. I have something to show you."

...

...

...

Riding my trusty bike, I arrived at the designated meeting spot. As I came to a halt, I was greeted by Koizumi's pleasantly fake smile. He said,

"Thank you for coming on such short notice"

Whatever, let's just get this over with. Now what could be so important that you needed to delay my much needed rest?

Koizumi opened a suitcase that was resting on his lap. There was a lot of paper documents in there and I was surprised that he had fit them all in. It was brief but I thought I saw Nagato's name under a document labelled: "Observation Report" So was the organization quietly observing Nagato? Interesting...I filed this information in the 'read later' folder of my brain.

After a few seconds of searching, Koizumi finally produced a thick stack of manuscript paper, all held together by one meager paper clip.

"Here read it" said Koizumi.

The boredom of...Hey this is the manuscript for my third book...why did you show me this?

"Please read pg. 45"

I rustled through the sheets of paper. Let's see...35...43...ah 45...

My eyes widened in shock. "What the..."

Koizumi stared at me with serious eyes. "Did you write this?"

I shook my head in disbelief. "No...I mean I did...but I made sure to take it out of the final copy..."

Koizumi continued to stare at me. "Now do you understand why I called you here?"

I didn't bother entertaining that question. I ran a hand through my tense scalp. Right in front of me was a chapter that I thought I had omitted. It was a story that was never intended to be read. Well...not by Haruhi anyways.

Because she's not supposed to know that I'm John Smith...

...

...

...

"No! No! This is all wrong!"

I quickly deleted the offending paragraph and glared at the blank word document that seemed to mocking me for my incompetence. Kyon made this look so easy! If he can do it, then surely, I can do it as well. In fact, I should be able to do it a hundred times better than him!

Despite what I say, the word document was left blank for half an hour.

Okay, I have to give Kyon some credit. Writing a story is not a walk in the park, but that's not going to stop me! In fact it fueled my determination knowing that Kyon can do something better than me. Unacceptable!

Hmm...Let's see...first I need some inspiration. What did Kyon say his inspiration for his novel was? I felt my face colour as I recalled his words. Okay...so maybe I should write a story about Kyon? Well, who else can I write about? I mean there's no one else that has inspired me to do anything before...although there was that boy from three years ago...

Ah! I just got an idea! Sorry to steal this from you Einstein but...

...Eureka!

I started typing furiously.

...

...

...

It's already way past midnight, but I still can't manage a wink of sleep. A host of stray thoughts haunted my mind; such thoughts include my discussion with Koizumi a few hours ago.

"The organization has considered stealing the manuscript from your editor, but it seems like copies of the manuscript are already being printed, and at an incredibly fast rate as well. It seems like operations for printing your story have been unusually smooth. The company will be done printing thousands of copies in no time."

And one of those copies was bound to reach a certain girl's hands. A thought occurred to me. Why can't your organization just stop the factories from printing, heck you could even ambush them or something.

"Admittedly...we have tried that" Koizumi said with a sheepish grin. "...but for _some_ reason all of our attempts have failed thus far"

Haruhi...

"I believe Suzumiya-san wishes for the success of your book. You are very lucky to have such a caring girlfriend"

Lucky? Is that the term you use to describe someone as unfortunate as me? No, I could think of so many other words to describe the troubles that come with this so called "luck". Good grief...why does every insignificant thing I do always have to involve Haruhi? And don't give me a lecture about fate Koizumi. Even though it seems unlikely, especially when we have someone like Haruhi dictating the laws of the universe, I'd still like to believe that I have free will over my destiny. Yes, I'm too optimistic. I know.

As I continued to recall every insignificant detail about that particular conversation, I remembered asking Koizumi a question. It said something like, "How did that part of the story even manage to make it to the final draft of the manuscript? I'm pretty sure I took that part out!" I may be careless from time to time, but rest assured, I'll never make such a troublesome mistake when Haruhi's involved. Well, at least not intentionally.

Koizumi took a long time to answer, but he finally said, "I honestly don't know"

And he said it with so much sincerity that even I could tell that he meant it this time.

I rolled over in my bed, shifting myself in a more comfortable position. Koizumi said that he didn't know who or what was responsible but who else could it be? It was probably Haruhi again. Good grief...I've grown to...Well l-love Haruhi ever since that oh-so-awkward (not to mention unorthodox) confession. I admit, she's probably...possibly...okay who am I kidding? Haruhi is without a doubt the best thing that's ever happened to me. However, there are times when I just want to...I want to...hah just forget it. Never mind. I guess it's just a bit overwhelming for me. Well, even before we were dating, Haruhi was always a handful. I guess I just need to keep on doing what I've been doing till now.

And with that concluding thought, I fell asleep.

...

...

...

And...done, finally! I managed to finish it, and I think it's pretty decent! I re-read my work while humming a merry tune. Hah! Writing wasn't so hard after all! I don't know why Kyon makes so much fuss about writing. It's so easy! I can't wait to see the look on his face after I show him my amazing work of literature.

I wasn't even halfway done when I abruptly slammed the computer screen down, feeling my face heat up uncontrollably. W-What did I just write?! I can't show this to Kyon! This is way too embarrassing, even for me! Forget about seeing the look on _his _face, It'll probably be that smug grin that he always has when he_ thinks_ he has the upper hand on me. Well screw you Kyon! I won't give you the satisfaction!

Seriously...what inspired me to write such a thing? It started out with the boy from three years ago. We talked about aliens, espers, and other supernatural beings, and then I asked him his name, but the plot twist is it turned out to be Kyon! And then Kyon started acting weird and all of a sudden he pushed me on the ground and...

I slammed my head on my computer desk. Purge those dirty thoughts from your mind Haruhi! That corruptness of yours is what lead to this shameful story in the first place! Never, and I mean never must it reach the eyes of anyone! Especially Kyon!

I stared at the amount of text I had managed to write. I actually wrote a lot even though most of it is...ah...never mind. Kyon would be proud of my hard work! That doesn't mean I'll show it to him though! It's a shame really, but I have to delete this!

I said all that, but I ended up saving the dammed thing and I stored it in my ever growing "KYON" folder. I got the idea from Kyon's "MIKURU" folder. I actually knew about his dirty little secret for a while now, but I decided to keep it for blackmail. I doubt I'm going to actually use it anytime soon, since I would be the biggest hypocrite ever since I have a scandalous folder of my own. And no, I'm not going to explain what's inside it okay?! That's classified information!

...

...

...

"Kyon-kun, wake up! It's time to go to school!"

Ah, Imouto...Just give me five more minutes of sleep. I beg of you.

"WAKE UP!"

Okay, Okay, I'm up. See? I'm up, just stop yelling!

My mischievous Imouto giggled wildly as she made her escape, clutching a half asleep Shamisen in her arms. "Come on Shami, bath time~" Imouto sang. All I could hear was the poor cat's blood curdling screams as they left my room. God speed Shamisen. I'll pray for your little kitty soul.

Before I went to the washroom to brush my teeth, I checked my cell phone for any new messages. Sure enough there was one from my editor. It said:

Subject: Congrats!

Hey Kyon Kun! We're all done printing up your books! The trucks will be delivering them in stores sometime in the afternoon.

From: Slave driver san

I smiled at the contact name I gave to him. It fits quite perfectly. Wait...did he just say...

So tomorrow will be the day my secret will be leaked out to the whole nation, and eventually into Haruhi's hands.

Good grief...How am I going to get out of this one now?

...

...

...

I barely made it in time for homeroom since I spent such a long time panicking at home, and how can you blame me? I only have one school day to resolve this problem once and for all, but how do I go about in doing it? Amidst my thoughts, I felt an all too familiar mechanical pencil poking my back.

"Hey, Kyon you look so stressed out" It was Haruhi, she had her arms crossed indicating annoyance, but I could see the genuine concern in her deep dark eyes. Well, well, if it isn't the root of the problem herself! Of course, I didn't actually say that. I'm in it deep as it is, I don't want any more complications piling up.

"Good morning Haruhi" I said, with more vigor than usual. If I play it safe, maybe I can manage to get into her good side, you know in case I fail and Haruhi learns the truth about everything and potentially destroys the whole world. Okay, enough with those grim thoughts focus!

Haruhi gave me a suspicious look. That was never good. Then she inched closer to my face and studied me intensely. "What are you doing?" I asked, trying to keep my composure. I noticed Taniguchi staring at us. He quickly scribbled a note and showed it to me. It said, "Go find a bed you two!" Oh shut up Taniguchi! You're making my day a thousand times worst!

Thankfully, Haruhi finally drew away. "Something seems off with you Kyon. Is there something wrong?" Yes, and you don't know the half of it Haruhi. She sighed, and looked outside the window reminding me of her melancholic days.

"You know Kyon" said Haruhi, her face hidden from me. "Y-You can be honest with me about anything...I mean...I really care about you. Kinda."

That...was almost cute Haruhi...except the last part. You're the one who's always going on about having confidence and not being indecisive right? Well of course, I don't have the right to say anything. I'm being indecisive myself here. If I want to solve this problem concerning Haruhi then I should bring it up to the cause of the problem herself. I mean it's only fair right? She expects me to be honest. So I'll be honest.

"Haruhi..." I said, giving her what I hoped to be a reassuring smile. "...I'll tell you everything during the Brigade meeting"

...

...

...

I walked to the Brigade room with a pounding heart. Not only was I anxious about whatever it was Kyon wanted to talk about, but it was also because of how cool Kyon was earlier. I replayed the scene over and over again in my head. Kyon-sama you are so cool!

And then I realized what I was doing.

Stupid, stupid, stupid banish those thoughts. They will make you weak Haruhi! I need to maintain my Brigade Chief status, and for that I must show no weakness! And with that thought, I kicked open the clubroom door.

"Ya-hoo! How's everyone?!" I declared as I marched into the...empty clubroom. What?! Where is everyone?

"I asked them to give us some time alone Haruhi" It was Kyon, and he had this amused look on his face. Wipe that look off your face Kyon! How was I supposed to know that you were the only one here? If I knew then I would have kicked open the door like that and...Ah whatever! There's no use making up excuses, what's done is done!

"So what is it that you wanted to talk about?" I asked. It must be pretty important if he had to disrupt a Brigade meeting like this! If this was any other day, I would have given Kyon a penalty without any hesitation, but I know that for now I have to set all that aside and make sure I can help Kyon as much as I can.

He scratched the back of his head and studied his shoe laces; he seems to be averting my gaze for some reason. After a bit, he sighed deeply and settled his gaze on me.

"I know that you don't like beating around the bush Haruhi, so I'll get straight to it"

I only managed to nod. There was this unexplainable tension in the room, the air seemed so thick that I had trouble breathing. What's up with that dramatic pause Kyon? You're torturing me here! Just spit it out!

He sighed once again, mumbling something like "Here goes nothing" and then he said,

"I...wrote something that you weren't meant to see in my novel." Kyon explained, his eyes hidden from me. "It was never meant to be published but somehow, it managed to make it to my final draft and now the company is distributing the books throughout the nation."

W-What? That could be problematic! And what is that I wasn't meant to...Oh no...

Kyon looked at me with great concern. "Are you alright Haruhi? Do you want me to continue or..."

No...No...You don't have to explain...I know what's going on.

Kyon looked at me doubtfully. "You do?"

Yes, Yes I do. I can see it now. It seems like Kyon wrote an erotic story about me as well, just like what I did yesterday! It makes sense, I mean we are very much alike in some ways, so it's understandable. And that it dawned on me. I can see why Kyon is so stressed out; we mustn't let this erotic novel out in the public! Not only will Kyon's reputation as a writer be compromised, but I wouldn't be able to show my face in school! I normally don't care about how normal people see me, but this is way too much!

I inched closer to Kyon and gave him an embrace, he was startled but he managed to relax.

"Don't worry Kyon, I understand" I said, in a soothing voice. "We mustn't let anyone read that erotic novel!"

Kyon stared at me with wide eyes. He staggered away, pointing an accusing finger at me. "W-What did you say?" he cried.

I inched closer, causing him to back away. "It's okay Kyon! Don't be ashamed!" I assured him. "It's only natural to have...those kinds of fantasies about me. I wouldn't normally admit this but given the circumstances...you see I wrote an erotic story about you too. And I'm not a pervert! No way! It's just that...sometimes, especially when I'm alone, I have these thoughts about you and as an outlet I normally..."

Kyon covered my mouth before I could say anymore. A part of me was relieved because I didn't say anything humiliating but I was more irritated that anything. What the hell?! I'm doing my best to be honest and opening up to him just to cheer him up and this is how he treats me? That idiot...I swear I'll...

"Haruhi!" cried Kyon, shaking me out of my stupor. "Slow down, what are you talking about?"

I was dumfounded. "Aren't we talking about your erotic novel?"

Kyon was about to respond but the clubroom door was slammed open by...Koizumi? He was out of breath, as if he sprinted here, but he looked relieved as if a crisis was avoided.

"Um...I hate to interrupt you both, but I have news from your editor" said Koizumi, as he struggled to catch his breath and talk at the same time. "It seems like all of the novels were destroyed in some way or the other...um unfortunately" Despite the grim undertones of that announcement there was some relief in Koizumi's voice. Why are you so happy damn it? Kyon's books were just...Oh I see!

Kyon sighed in relief. "Finally, things are going my way for once" Oh, stop complaining Kyon! Although it was really convenient that...actually it seems suspicious.

Koizumi had an answer, he always does it seems. "Well you see Suzumiya san, it seems like there are some readers who...do not appreciate the Haruhi Suzumiya series. Apparently they've been planning for months to sabotage the release of the third installment in the series. It's a pity really"

Why those scum! How heartless can you be to not enjoy the heartwarming tales of the S.O.S. Brigade! That's unforgivable! Their parents must be rolling over in their graves because of their cruelty!

Kyon laughed and ruffled my hair, causing a reaction that involved blood rushing to my cheeks. "Well it doesn't matter how" he said. "The good thing is that the crisis was averted"

Well yeah...I suppose. It would have been embarrassing of anyone read that erotic novel huh? Wait...it was an erotic novel right?

Kyon and Koizumi exchanged glances and there was some sort of secret message that was exchanged between them. Hey! What was that about? Tell me! Tell me!

"Um yeah...it would have been awkward" admitted Kyon. Aha! I knew it! Kyon you're such a perv!

Kyon looked annoyed but a smug grin formed on his lips as he said, "Says you...So where is that incredibly lusty story you made about me huh? I'd love to read it"

Y-You little!

We started arguing after a while, and I noticed that Koizumi Kun had snuck out. I guess he felt awkward and managed to slip out. While I was pondering that, Kyon managed to plant a wet one right on my lips. I stiffened at the contact at first and I considered complaining but when his tongue tried to slip its way in...Oh what the hell! Strike while the iron is hot that's what I always say!

Okay, we're going to keep this up for a while so this is the part where I kick you out.

...

...

...

**Epilogue**

After that crisis was averted things finally managed to settle down. My third novel, "The Boredom of Haruhi Suzumiya" was successfully published a few weeks after the incident with the "Anti-S.O.S. Brigade", as Haruhi calls them. Haruhi declared this "terrorist" group as a threat to the safety of the S.O.S. Brigade and we are now currently on "Red Alert", whatever that means.

Despite being targeted by a supposed syndicate whose sole purpose is to terrorize an unofficial high school club, the Brigade is still back in business. Which usually means loafing around in the clubroom till it's time to go home. I can't complain though, in fact as you may have expected, I am incredibly delighted. My maniacal girlfriend however has different plans. Good grief. I have a bad premonition. Can you see the dark clouds forming? I think a storm is brewing, and it's a big one. I bet they'll call it Hurricane Haruhi.

I never did manage to find Haruhi's "erotic novel". Do I even want to? Even though it was excruciatingly awkward for me at the time I admit that if Haruhi hadn't come up with that ridiculous story, I would have revealed everything. A part of me wished I did though. I wished that I told her everything. It pains me to have to lie to her every day, and even though I complain about her being a slave driver and all that, I know that Haruhi's only doing all this because she really wants to find aliens, time travellers and espers. Do you know how many times I wanted to just shout: They're right in front of you! But life doesn't work out that way does it? I'm sure I'll have another opportunity later.

As an aside, Nagato had a few words with me after that little incident. She told me that I should have told her about the situation and she would have taken care of it. Now, I know that if I told Nagato right away that I was in trouble, she would have helped without hesitation, but I don't want to trouble her. I've already been relying on her so much in the past. I just want to lessen the load for her.

In the end, I had to promise that the next time I'm in trouble that I would give her a call. It caught me off guard actually. Nagato seemed genuinely concerned about me. Ah, Nagato, so dependable. You don't need to tell me, I know that you can get me out of any Haruhi related problem.

Little did I know that the next "problem" would be coming from the resident alien herself...

**Next chapter: The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon **

**Please review. It's been a while since I wrote fan fiction and that means I'm a bit rusty so helpful advice would be appreciated. **

**Cheers!**

**-MC-KUN**


	4. The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya (1)

_Dear Reader,_

_Thank you for reading my fourth novel, 'The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya'. As always, I am honoured by your tremendous support. Thank you._

_I had a tough time choosing the title for this story. It occurred to me that it wasn't just Haruhi who disappeared, it was the whole Brigade._

_Asahina-san, Koizumi, and Nagato._

_Haruhi._

_Me._

_So consider the honorary title to be: The Disappearance of the S.O.S. Brigade_

_Well, let it be a reminder that this is just a fictional story. All events and persons depicted in this story is fictional. Some names and locations are a reference to my own personal life._

_I hope you enjoy my—no, our story._

_With best regards,_

_Kyon, and the entire S.O.S. Brigade_

-Except from Author's Notes (Pg. 2), "The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya"

Written by Kyon, Illustrated by Yuki Nagato

* * *

><p><strong>The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon <strong>

**Part 1:**

**Asahina Mikuru**

* * *

><p>This story dates back to our senior year in North High.<p>

I realize that the time skip might be a bit jarring so let me give you a brief overview.

About my light novel series. My fourth book did really well. I called it 'The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya' and it was based off of the events from _that _December. It did really well and it even spawned a movie by the same name. Go check it out when you have the time (shameless advertisement).

Oh yeah, and I was still dating Haruhi, surprisingly enough.

Yes, I had my doubts at first. Keeping up with Haruhi's exploits was near impossible for a mortal being such as myself. It was like trying to catch lightning with your bare hands, it just wasn't possible.

Still, I tried my best. And the result? Well, my efforts resulted in an extremely volatile relationship that could go off at any second. And no, this was not an exaggeration.

This is a list of what I had to deal with in the past year alone. There was the good old fashioned closed spaces, then the occasional rifts in space-time, then there was the reality bending time paradoxes, and many other world ending events that shouldn't ever transpire, ever!

And it was all due to my psychotic, and transcendent girlfriend, Haruhi Suzumiya.

Speaking of which—

"Hey Kyon, are you even listening to me?"

No, I wasn't listening at all, but I wasn't going to say that was I?

Haruhi yanked on my tie and her face was suddenly so close to mine. I had this animalistic desire to kiss her.

You see, if a healthy young man like me was ever to come in such close proximity with a beauty like Haruhi, well even I might start to lose my sanity. In fact, it seemed that I was descending deeper and deeper down the lurid steps of lunacy.

And who was it that dragged me down deeper and deeper into psychosis?

Yes, you guessed correctly. It was the commandeering girl in front of me, the self-proclaimed Brigade Chief of the world.

"Haruhi, can you step back a little?"

She looked at me in wonder. "Huh? Why should I—"Her features lit up as she recognized my predicament. "Oh, I see. Can't control yourself around me, can you?"

Although her wording was heavily biased against me—well, she wasn't far off from the truth. I could smell her fragrance and it was driving me completely nuts. I suddenly felt very combustive, as if my body would instantaneously implode at any given moment.

Haruhi's cheeks coloured somewhat as she gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "That'll have to do for now, Casanova, the other's will be here soon."

Ah yes, the others. I almost forgot about them. I was momentarily mentally decapitated at the time so I couldn't get my thoughts straight.

It took me awhile to asses my then immediate situation.

Haruhi and I were waiting for the others at the usual café. I was actually on time for once, yes, let's take a moment to let that sink in.

I was on time.

Yes. This isn't some fanciful fabrication of my deluded mind. I was actually on time.

Let the heaven's fall, let the Earth be swallowed up by the sun, just—let every apocalyptic occurrence happen and destroy us all, because clearly something that shouldn't happen happened.

Okay, enough with the dramatics.

So the first to arrive was Nagato. If you've been wondering what happened to her this past year, well, a lot happened actually.

You wouldn't believe how human Nagato was, I mean, how she'd improved over the year. She made a lot of friends from her classes, and she even had a study group! We were all very supportive of the new Nagato, especially Haruhi. The Brigade Chief gave Nagato special permission to skip meetings just so the soft spoken girl could attend some of the other clubs that she joined.

"Understood—thank you," were Nagato's words of appreciation.

I was proud. So proud. I felt like a father seeing his kid winning an award, or graduating high school, or something like that.

Anyway, so Nagato arrived, silent as usual. She gave us a small wave of the hand, that was her signature greeting those days, and then she sat down across from us. A waitress took her order and she ordered a black coffee. Business as usual.

"So Nagato," Haruhi chirped, "how's your study group going?"

Nagato took a sip of her coffee, her movements were precise like always, and then she regarded Haruhi with her ice-like eyes. "It is fine. We are progressing smoothly. The one who calls himself Taniguchi has raised his grade point average by .85 and Kunikida raised his mark by—"

And she went on and on. She'd turned into a chatterbox during that time. Well, she still spoke in that monotone, robot-like voice, but she spoke way more than before. Which was an improvement, but hearing her talk with such quantity in that dreary voice was enough to make anyone sleepy.

Well, Haruhi and I didn't have the heart to tell her to shut up so we just listened to her recount the details of Taniguchi's academic growth. And I assure you, nothing was as uninspiring as Taniguchi's academic exploits.

Koizumi arrived with Asahina-san. Those two—well nothing really changed about them per say. I mean, if anything, I guess Koizumi got more honest about his feelings. And once in a while I'd see him smile, and it was a genuine smile. Honestly, I was sort of proud of him too. He seemed more like a normal high school student rather than an organization agent pretending to be one. Okay, enough about Koizumi, who said that I cared about Koizumi anyway?

Asahina-san. Well, what can I say about Asahina-san? She'd been her usual bubbly self, but she'd been acting weird those past few weeks. Even the self-involved Haruhi began to take notice. Asahina-san seemed melancholic, she couldn't hide it, no matter how hard she tried.

Once in a while you'd see her flipping through the Brigade's yearbook and she'd have that listless smile on her face, completely lacking the signature Asahina-san joviality. And it depressed me just seeing her like that. I just wished that there was something I could do to help her, and I knew that Haruhi felt the same way, but I didn't even know what to do. I didn't even know what was wrong with her.

"Okay guys!" Haruhi declared, once everyone had gathered. "It's almost the end of our high school careers and to ensure that we all go to the same college we have to study like crazy in the final stretch. Got it?" She looked at me for some reason, but I didn't know why.

"Why? Why?! It's because you're dragging us down Kyon! I already lowered our college standards just for you!"

Okay, in the first place, Oxford University was too high a ceiling. And so was Harvard. It seemed that Haruhi just didn't know my limits. "Well, I'm sorry."

Haruhi huffed. "Well, as long as you understand. And—we'll aim for the local institutions instead so don't worry. I—I just want us all to be together, you know?"

I almost kissed her right then and there, public etiquette be damned.

So yeah, the meeting went on and on but I sort of just spaced out. The only thing I really noticed was Asahina-san. She looked so depressed for some reason, and her smiles seemed so fake, she looked like the old Koizumi. Hey, all my years of Nagato observation gave me a feel for these things so trust me. There was something wrong with Asahina-san.

So the meeting ended with Haruhi's ever dramatic, "Dismissed!", and then we all filed out of the café as we headed out to our own homes.

I was walking home and all, with my hands in my pockets, when I heard a familiar voice calling out to me. I turned around to see Asahina-san running after me.

"W-Wait Kyon-kun! Y-You *pant* *pant* you walk so fast!"

My pace was relatively average, but I let it slide. "What can I do for you, Asahina-san?"

I waited for her to catch her breath.

"Kyon-kun—can I talk to you for a minute?"

* * *

><p>We ended up going to a familiar bench, the same one where Asahina-san told me that she was a time traveller.<p>

It took a while for Asahina-san to get started, and when she did, she went off on a complete tangent. She talked about what she had for breakfast, and the programs she watched the other night. It was going nowhere.

"—and then The Doctor took out this screwdriver and—"

"Asahina-san," I placed a hand on her shoulder to get her attention, "the point—please."

She took a deep breath. "Right. I should just tell you, and get it over with." She looked up at me with determined, yet regretful eyes. "Kyon-kun, I'm going back to the future."

I was shell shocked. I had been speculating that possibility for a while, but hearing it from Asahina-san herself, and so suddenly. I found myself going into Nagato mode.

"I see."

"I will be leaving around graduation."

"I see."

"We—will probably never see each other again."

"I see."

"Kyon-kun, are you listening?"

"I see."

She grabbed me by the shoulders and she gave me a little shake. "Kyon-kun—geez, I'm trying really hard to tell you all this so can you please listen?"

I tried to give her my full attention. "Okay, I'm listening."

Asahina-san gave me a small, pained smile. "Thank you. I didn't tell the others about this, and I know that this is going to be a huge burden on you, but I'll leave it up to you to tell them—or not. I doubt that Nagato-san and Koizumi-kun would be much of a concern but—well, of course I am referring to Suzumiya-san here."

Wait, so what was she implying there? And why was it my sole responsibility? I bet that Nagato, and even Koizumi could handle this better than I ever could.

"No, it's definitely you, Kyon-kun. You have the choice. You can tell Suzumiya-san a lie. You can make something up. You can tell her that I went to Canada or something."

Canada. I doubted that she'd fall for _that _again.

"Or you can tell her the truth."

"The truth? So that means—"

"Yes, but like I said. It's completely up to you."

Up to me. Huh, when have I heard something like that before?

* * *

><p>And so I went home and pondered about all this. Well obviously I had to lie. I didn't want the world to end or anything like that. And I knew that Asahina-san's superiors didn't actually give her permission to say all that. I figured that Asahina-san went on a limb just to have that conversation with me.<p>

I had to lie—right?

Well, I was actually tired of lying, to tell you the truth. I just couldn't take it anymore.

Haruhi had been completely honest with me—mostly, and I knew that she deserved the same.

I hated making decisions.

I booted up my computer and I started writing. I wrote about all the possible scenarios that could unfold. I had to make some sort of game plan.

Needless to say, but I didn't get much sleep that evening.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued<strong>


	5. The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya (2)

**The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon**

**Part 2**

**Koizumi Itsuki**

* * *

><p>I overcame many things in the past year.<p>

Starting off with the minor incident with my light novels, then with the alternate reality that Nagato created, and I also helped Asahina-san (big) establish many stable time loops. Oh, and there was the whole timeline split and the whole confrontation with Fujiwara's group of Sasaki obsessed freaks. So yeah, I learned to have some confidence in myself when it came to these supernatural quandaries.

Despite all that, I still couldn't formulate a good plan to keep Asahina-san in the present.

First of all, how can you solve a problem that shouldn't technically exist in the first place? Asahina-san wasn't even born in this period of time. She didn't belong here. We couldn't keep her here since, fundamentally, you couldn't keep something that didn't fit in your current reality in the first place

And my second problem was that I lacked a secret weapon, or, an 'ace up my sleeve' if you will. I doubted that the time-travellers would fall for my 'John Smith' bluff like Nagato's bosses did. I say this in view of the fact that it was Asahina-san's bosses that orchestrated my meeting with Haruhi (small) to begin with. They were probably a few steps ahead of me in that regard.

I mean, I was dealing with future men, you know? They knew what I was going to do in advance. It was like playing chess with a psychic, there was no way to win.

So I kept typing away on my computer, adding on to my ever expanding 'Game Plan' file, but I couldn't come up with anything useful. I looked at some diagrams I made a couple of months ago. These diagrams indicated the time loops I created with Asahina-san (big).

Keeping track of all the time loops and alternate universes was just too much for me to handle. I had to record everything, otherwise I'd forget some of them. It also came in handy for the little time-adventures that Asahina (big) would force me to go on.

Adventures—yeah right. They were more like errands, if you want to know the truth. I couldn't understand Haruhi's desire to time travel. I mean, the act of time travel itself was just nauseating. I almost threw up during my first T.P.D.D. joy ride.

Furthermore, you couldn't really do anything exciting while visiting other time planes. There was always the danger of paradoxes and the, oh you know, destruction of the space-time continuum. That kind of stuff. So yeah, time travel was _way _overrated, I'm telling you.

Well, I digress.

So, ultimately, I hoped that the diagrams would give me some sort of clue on how to save Asahina-san but none of them really gave me much to work with. I was hoping that I could exploit an unresolved time loop of some sort.

If there was an unresolved loop that the time travellers needed me to settle, then I could use it as a sort of blackmail. The time travellers were crazy about keeping the flow of time consistent and undeterred so I could use that zeal against them. All I had to do was tell them that I wouldn't fix the time loop unless they promised to leave Asahina-san alone. It would have the same bargaining power as the John Smith card.

Then I could ask Asahina-san (small) to create more time loops for me that I could use as leverage in the future. Unfortunately, the time-travellers must've already seen this coming, so they made sure to tidy up all the loose ends. They were very careful in that regard.

There was nothing that I could use against them.

I was starting to see the sun come up so I called it quits for the night. I couldn't even keep my eyes open so I decided to get some well-deserved sleep.

I dreamt about loops, multi-verses, and paradoxes. My tribulations followed me to the very depths of REM sleep.

* * *

><p>The school day passed by in the blink of an eye. It felt like somebody hit flash-forward and the seconds and hours just sped by. I didn't mind too much though, since I had more important things to worry about than whatever Okabe-sensei was teaching that day.<p>

The meeting also went by pretty fast. Haruhi didn't really have anything planned. When I asked her why she said,

"You can't expect me to have a flash of inspiration every day, Kyon. I have to save up my creative juices for another day, you know?"

And that was that. I was tired of playing checkers with Koizumi so I invited him to play some catch with me outside.

"We've been doing that a lot these days," he commented, "but I don't really mind."

I grabbed the gloves while Koizumi retrieved the ball. I invited the girls to play, out of courtesy, but they all seemed to be busy doing their own things. Nagato was reading a book, Asahina-san was making tea and—well, you know the drill.

I noticed Asahina-san watching me leave. She had this nervous look in her eyes. She was probably worried about what my decision would be and all. I gave her a reassuring smile and it seemed to have some effect on her.

* * *

><p>So Koizumi and I tossed a ball back and forth. The ball's arching trajectory reminded me of a pendulum swing. I was once again reminded that time was quickly passing me by. I couldn't take my mind off this whole Asahina-san business, it was no use. My head was filled up to the brim with such thoughts.<p>

"You seem to be troubled," Koizumi said, "is there anything you'd like to share with me?"

Yes, there was plenty I wanted to share with Koizumi, but I honestly didn't know where to start.

"Koizumi, talk to me."

"What about?"

"Anything you want. You can talk to me about Quantum Mechanics or the Cell Theory or whatever. Just talk to me."

He looked at me as if I grew an extra head. "Excuse me? Well, pardon me, but you've never requested anything like that from me. In fact, it's usually the opposite—"

"Well, today's a rare day Koizumi. Talk about whatever you want and I'll listen." I said, as I threw him the ball.

"Even if you say that—"Koizumi caught the ball and he kept it in his glove. He scratched his head as he racked his brain for something to say. "—well, is it okay if I talk about dark energy? We were discussing it in class so—"

"Yeah, whatever's fine," I said, "and toss the ball back, will you?"

He tossed the ball and I palmed it. "Well, okay," he said, "although I am still a bit confounded by this uncharacteristic request of yours."

"Lay it on me."

"Alright. You already know that the universe is expanding right?"

I nodded. "Didn't they find that out by plotting a neighbouring galaxy's redshift against a relative distance? Then they noticed that the galaxies were moving farther and farther away."

He threw the ball back. "Correct. You've been paying attention in classes for once, I see."

Koizumi made it seem like I was a total slacker, and he was partly right. However, there were some instances when I _did _pay attention. I paid attention to things that actually interested me. I mean, most of the time, teachers dump on a bunch of meaningless data and they expect you to memorize all of them. I didn't want to fill my head with junk data; I wanted information that actually mattered.

"So you're interested in this stuff huh? Well, I do see the usefulness in it, considering your position."

Yes, my unfortunate position as guardian of reality and normality certainly demanded that I be well versed in anything physics related. After all, how was I supposed to tell if my girlfriend screwed something up in the universe if I wasn't familiar with the laws of the universe in the first place? It was a basic survival necessity for me.

"So anyways," he continued, as we kept passing the ball back and forth, "they also determined that energy can be found in empty space. It sounds impossible but this energy was dubbed as 'dark energy'. And this force is what pushes other galaxies away from us. And the speed exponentially increases over time."

"So, it never stops?"

"Yes it never stops. The natural assumption used to be that it will eventually slow down. That the universe will eventually exhaust itself, figuratively speaking, and that gravity would attract the galaxies together. However, dark energy or vacuum energy, will keep pushing space farther and farther. This was coined as 'the acceleration of the universe'. Huh, sounds like something that you'd name one of your novels. Just imagine that. _The Acceleration of Haruhi Suzumiya_."

He laughed at his little joke, but the thought depressed the hell out me. So, even the notion of 'good bye' and 'drifting apart' was a law of the universe. Eventually our galaxy will be all alone, in the middle of abandoned space.

How about me, would I be alone someday? Left behind by Asahina-san, then Koizumi, then Nagato.

Then Haruhi?

I immediately pushed those thoughts aside. I decided to move on to another topic, anything that could stop Koizumi from talking about acceleration, and loneliness. So I said,

"Koizumi, is it possible that the Data Overmind, as well as other data life forms will someday drift apart from us as well?"

There was a flash in Koizumi's eyes. It was brief, but I caught it.

"I never thought about that."

Wait, so I was actually on to something? I was just trying to change the subject! "Well, is there a possibility?"

"There is—but our knowledge of the Data Overmind is very limited. We do not know if they are beings of energy, or if they are incorporeal beings possessing no physical body whatsoever. However, a sentient being having no material existence—the thought astounds me."

It didn't really surprise me too much. I mean, I lived in a world where my girlfriend was a reality warper that could manifest energy and all states of matter on a subconscious whim. I was ready to believe anything. Then I thought about something.

"Koizumi, can the Data Overmind control dark energy? And if they can, then wouldn't it be a simple task to navigate through space, and if they so wish, stay static and rooted to one spot?"

He shrugged and he gave me a smile. "I don't know. I'm not going to pretend to be an expert in this, I'm merely a high school student after all."

Who was he trying to fool? Koizumi Itsuki was the very definition of what a high school student shouldn't be.

The conversation sort of fizzled out after that. I wanted to take my mind of Asahina-san and her request but my conversation with Koizumi made me even more troubled, if that was even possible.

The idea of everything moving—drifting apart. It scared the hell out of me. And it sort of planted this doubt in my heart. I was once again reminded of the futility of it all. That there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop the flow of time. I couldn't keep Asahina-san here if it wasn't meant to be.

"You know," Koizumi said, and he avoided my eyes, "I can tell that there's something bothering you. So please tell me." It sounded sincere, and since it was Koizumi, that was saying something. "I'm not sure what you think of me. Whether you think of me as a nuisance, or as a mere information broker, but I want to make one thing clear. I—I consider you a friend, regardless of what you may think of me, I don't think I can deny that fact. You're—you're the only one I can really consider a friend and—"

I wasn't used to seeing Koizumi all honest and vulnerable so I had to make him stop. "Whoa, whoa Koizumi, let's not get emotional here okay?"

That whole outburst must've been in the heat of the moment since Koizumi immediately snapped back to his old self. "Ah, please forgive me. That was completely out of bounds—"

"No, no it wasn't," I admitted, "in fact, it's long overdue. I haven't really been clear on our—shall we say relationship?" No, that definitely didn't sound right. "Well, anyway, it was my fault. I have—difficulties expressing these kind of things—and I often hide it with sarcasm and sharp words." Oh god, why was I saying this?

Koizumi held a hand up to stop me. "Okay, I get it. Let's make a deal. I already know what you're about to say—in a way, and you already heard what I had to say so let's leave it at this for now okay?"

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. That was very difficult for me—"

"In exchange, you have to tell me what is bothering you. That sounds like a fair deal, no?"

Well, he didn't really leave me with much of a choice. So I told him everything.

"I see." Koizumi said, after I finished telling him my story. "And she wants _you _to make the decision?"

That was the gist of it. All in all, it seemed more like indecisiveness on Asahina-san's part. I felt like she dumped her problems onto me.

"Yes, it does seem that way. I feel that this decision is for Asahina-san alone to make. It was wrong for her to involve you in it."

Well, to be fair to Asahina-san, most of the Haruhi-related decisions seem to fall to my jurisdiction most of the time. She probably thought that it was inevitable that I would have the last say. "What do you think about it, Koizumi?"

"You have to lie to Suzumiya-san. That is my advice as an Organization agent."

I figured that Koizumi would say something like that.

"And here's my advice as a friend. Tell her the truth."

I couldn't help but smile, and it was a terribly corny thing for me to do, but I walked over to him and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Thanks for that Koizumi."

"You're scaring me," he said.

"Yeah, I'm scaring me to."

So we just kept on playing catch without another word. It was actually sort of nice.

* * *

><p>When I got home, I did some homework, and then I watched some TV. Around eleven o'clock, I went back to my room and I booted up my computer. I opened up my 'Game Plan' file.<p>

Then with Koizumi in mind, I typed in my shortest entry yet:

_Tell Haruhi the truth. She deserves it. Worry about the end of the world afterwards._

I went to sleep feeling satisfied.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued <strong>


End file.
